Reconstructing My Deconstruction

I took a match to all my Sunday best Watched the certainties go up in smoke All my Pharisee foundations Turned out mostly made of quotes I never broke up with Jesus Just broke up with my disguise ’Cause I’d been worshiping my answers More than Him before my eyes I thought if I pulled one thread The whole faith would come undone But when the walls fell down around me You were sitting in the rubble saying, “Child, I’m not the house, I’m the home.” Now I’m reconstructing my deconstruction Less addiction to being right Traded solid ground of my assumptions For learning how to walk by sight of Your light I’m less impressed with my own instructions More in awe of what I can’t explain Less religious, more like Jesus I don’t see the same No longer a Pharisee, Teach me to see like You see I used to crown my conclusions Like they carried Your last name If I called my take “divine” enough Then You would back my claim But if You’re really infinite And I’m just dust that learned to speak Then every lens that I look through Must be cracked and must be weak So I’ll hold my doctrines looser And Your mercy closer still ’Cause You didn’t die to make me certain You died to make me real I’m reconstructing my deconstruction Letting go of God-in-my-image Trading expectations of a kingdom For a King who keeps on breaking my limits I’m not afraid of finding out I’m wrong now If wrong just means You’re bigger than I knew Less religious, more like Jesus Less “for You,” more “with You” No longer a Pharisee, Teach me to see like You see I used to think that faith Was having all the right receipts Chapter, verse, and footnote On everyone I’d meet But faith is not pretending That I’ve mapped out all of You Faith is walking on the water With no guarantee of proof It’s hoping who You are Is kinder than my fear It’s trusting You to correct me As I keep drawing near So if I’m wrong, I’ll be wrong Falling forward into grace ’Cause You didn’t ask for certainty You asked to see my face So I’m reconstructing my deconstruction Piece by broken, honest piece I don’t need a throne of answers If I’m sitting at Your feet I’ll let my expectations shatter If it means I find what’s true Less religious, more like Jesus Less like me and more like You I never ended the relationship You never walked away Now every question is an altar Where I relearn how to pray No longer a Pharisee, Teach me to see Teach me to see like You see I want to see Teach me to see like You see I want to see I want to see